Comments on: Top Things Not To Say To The Spouse of a Deployed Soldier

By: kelsey

kelsey — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 04:31:00 +0000

I’m not married to my marine but I am attached to him non the less..I’ve been told some of these things before and it killed me on the inside. Like aren’t you afraid he is going to die..I almost teared up reading some of these. Especially the at least he’s not in Afghanistan…he is and I’m worried every second of everyday…until he calls me or emails me..another thing I’ve been told is why don’t you date someone you could see all the time…obviously I’m very happy with my boyfriend..its hard enough on me but even worse hearing things like this..

By: Occupy That! | School Supplies for Afghan Children

Occupy That! | School Supplies for Afghan Children — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 21:53:59 +0000

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By: robyn carter

robyn carter — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 01:08:13 +0000

hello mary,
what u said about not just being married to a soldier but being married to the military is so true. my sister was a army wife for 11 yrs and when i met my husband who was in the army that is exactly what she told me. right after we were married he was shipped to germany, and though i had a lot of my family here for support his family couldnt understand why i wasnt with him. that was 30 yrs ago. in1990 he was deployed for dessert storm when he was in the army reserve, but was injured at fort devens. he turned stepped in a hole and broke his foot. he actually missed out on going with unit. he had a lot of mixed emotions, he one side was glad he was home safe but also felt bad he wasnt with his unit. again i had my family for support but some people dont think before they speak, but they do mean well. i try to say a prayer every night for our servicemen and women and their families. i know too my sister is in heaven watching over them all as well. i hope to hear from you.

By: Mandy

Mandy — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 22:41:45 +0000

Thank you for writing this. My husband joined the reserves after we got married and after we had a child. I did not intend to ever be a military spouse. What is the absolute hardest are the empty half-hearted offers to help. Before my husband left for basic, everyone rallied around us and said such sweet things about helping me in his absence. Now that he’s gone, these same people have dissapeared. I asked for help a few times, and did not get any so I just stopped asking. Its been a shocking eye opener – I’m really in this alone.

By: Ashleyd

Ashleyd — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 04:35:09 +0000

I just love this! My husband is certainly deployed. He left 2 months after we got married. I believe I’ve heard everything. No one truly understands what your goin through unless they are goin through it or have gone through it. Its always tough and holidays just make it harder. But none of us know how we manage to get through it we just do, because we are so proud of our spouse and we love them with all our heart and as hard as the days and nights are for both of us we know that we will be together again. I just pray to God that he will be okay and put it in God’s hands because that’s all you can do. Just pray!

By: Mary Ellen

Mary Ellen — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 01:05:31 +0000

Thank you Elie for your very thoughtful and insightful comments. I am a Navy wife, and my husband is in his 10th month of a year deployment(that was supposed to be 5 months!) I am at home with our 4 month old daughter, and two teenage boys. He is my second husband, and the love of my life. In the last two years we have only been physically together for 3 and a half months. It is hard. It hurts. I do work, and stay busy, but do not live near enough to the base(2 hours away) because of my job to connect to other milspouses. Thankfully, he is retiring a few months after he returns, but this has been an extremely hard year and I have felt very isolated. The bottom line is not so much that I want him hear to do things for me, but that I miss HIM. He is my best friend and being separated so much has been hard on both of us. Thanks again for your compassion. God bless.

By: DeAnna

DeAnna — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 09:57:18 +0000

Just the Mom, No. I couldnt bear thinking about my child in a warzone. Your child will always be your baby, no matter how old they get. Trust me the Mom is grateful for you taking the kids. We so desperately need a break from the kiddos. I love my daughter, but sometimes I just need a break.

By: DeAnna

DeAnna — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 09:51:27 +0000

I hate when they say, I know what its like, my husband works long hours. NOT the same! Are you serious? The worst is, well you were in, so you know. Being a disabled veteran on top of now army wife and mom. Sometimes I am so sick, I dont know if I can even make it. My 2 year old consoles me. This is our 3rd and last.

By: Danielle Sanders

Danielle Sanders — Wed, 09 Nov 2011 04:01:52 +0000

Thank you for this post. It’s nice to be able to hear (honestly) what the spouses of our military men and women think about certain phrases and so-called comfort. I’ll admit I have no idea what it is like to be in the military, or to have a spouse in the military. But I do know that it is an extreme sacrifice on both ends, and I appreciate all you do.

By: Patricia Ann Young

Patricia Ann Young — Fri, 28 Oct 2011 01:14:55 +0000

Mary, thanks so much for that post! My husband and I are both 21 and he is on his first deployment. I get those comments and thoughtlessness too, but really, it’s just something to laugh about! I mean, they really have no idea! And mostly, do not mean to hurt anyone.
It does get to me, like when my best friend was whining because she and her husband would be apart for 3 days, and I have my own share of friends who didn’t show when I needed them. But I can do it. I’m a Christian as well. If Christ is for me, none can be against me, and there is nothing that will happen to me (or my husband) that has not passed through His hands first. So, yeah Get up and do something! Put a little more away so you guys can have a little extra when he comes home!
Also, just in case any of you are in the position of having your husband do something for our government that is controversial (without it being mandatory that it’s secret of course), it is perfectly ok to tell the morons who ask what he’s doing that he has been sent to an undisclosed location. Period.