Comments on: Top Things Not To Say To The Spouse of a Deployed Soldier

By: What is the appropriate response? | USF Honors for Wounded Veterans

What is the appropriate response? | USF Honors for Wounded Veterans — Tue, 03 Apr 2012 14:28:41 +0000

[...] I know. When I first read these such as things people say to the family of deployed troops, found here, or things that people say to people with brain injuries, found here, I cringe and how someone [...]

By: Fran

Fran — Fri, 23 Mar 2012 15:34:49 +0000

As a military spouse like many, I’ve heard the same things, I’m tired of getting compared to the show Army Wives, but not only that, I’ve been told in the past by several people solders were deployed for no reason and what they were doing in another country was worthless. My husband was deployed at the time. Then days later, my 5 year old at the time tells me crying that a student in her class said ‘Your daddy isn’t coming home because he’s dead”. She was so upset and I was pissed off. It had been about a week since we had heard from my husband, Luckily that same day he called and she spoke with him and knew daddy was safe. So not only adults but children who are not involved in the military life don’t understand and can be very cruel. I’m the type of person that will give a helping hand, I’ve tried dealing with my FRG to help out, but I get no response back or support from them. I’m 33 weeks pregnant now and haven’t recieved a call asking if I’m okay or if I need anything. The support I do have is from my wonderful friends, most are military and a few are not. I do what I can for them and others. Why? It’s not to make me feel better but because I truely understand. God Bless our Soldiers and their families.

By: Dolly Coley

Dolly Coley — Wed, 21 Mar 2012 09:47:50 +0000

My son-in-law is in the military, and I live on a different continent to my daughter, so there’s no way we can offer physical help when he’s deployed. But I know the hardship she goes through. My husband fought in the Rhodesian bush war and we lived in a forest estate on a hostile border so when he was away I had to defend my children, myself and my home – not easy and so depressing. I feel for all of you, men and women, whose spouse has to go away for such a long time. It’s really difficult on the relationship.

By: Elizabeth

Elizabeth — Sun, 04 Mar 2012 08:01:49 +0000

Thank you. I was having a really hard night, but this made me feel a bit better.

By: kelsey

kelsey — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 04:31:00 +0000

I’m not married to my marine but I am attached to him non the less..I’ve been told some of these things before and it killed me on the inside. Like aren’t you afraid he is going to die..I almost teared up reading some of these. Especially the at least he’s not in Afghanistan…he is and I’m worried every second of everyday…until he calls me or emails me..another thing I’ve been told is why don’t you date someone you could see all the time…obviously I’m very happy with my boyfriend..its hard enough on me but even worse hearing things like this..

By: Occupy That! | School Supplies for Afghan Children

Occupy That! | School Supplies for Afghan Children — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 21:53:59 +0000

[...] support though. Another reading assignment that really put this in perspective for me can be found here. SMSgt Rex Temple and his wife Liisa Temple after his presentation (Photo by: Shelby Register [...]

By: robyn carter

robyn carter — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 01:08:13 +0000

hello mary,
what u said about not just being married to a soldier but being married to the military is so true. my sister was a army wife for 11 yrs and when i met my husband who was in the army that is exactly what she told me. right after we were married he was shipped to germany, and though i had a lot of my family here for support his family couldnt understand why i wasnt with him. that was 30 yrs ago. in1990 he was deployed for dessert storm when he was in the army reserve, but was injured at fort devens. he turned stepped in a hole and broke his foot. he actually missed out on going with unit. he had a lot of mixed emotions, he one side was glad he was home safe but also felt bad he wasnt with his unit. again i had my family for support but some people dont think before they speak, but they do mean well. i try to say a prayer every night for our servicemen and women and their families. i know too my sister is in heaven watching over them all as well. i hope to hear from you.

By: Mandy

Mandy — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 22:41:45 +0000

Thank you for writing this. My husband joined the reserves after we got married and after we had a child. I did not intend to ever be a military spouse. What is the absolute hardest are the empty half-hearted offers to help. Before my husband left for basic, everyone rallied around us and said such sweet things about helping me in his absence. Now that he’s gone, these same people have dissapeared. I asked for help a few times, and did not get any so I just stopped asking. Its been a shocking eye opener – I’m really in this alone.

By: Ashleyd

Ashleyd — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 04:35:09 +0000

I just love this! My husband is certainly deployed. He left 2 months after we got married. I believe I’ve heard everything. No one truly understands what your goin through unless they are goin through it or have gone through it. Its always tough and holidays just make it harder. But none of us know how we manage to get through it we just do, because we are so proud of our spouse and we love them with all our heart and as hard as the days and nights are for both of us we know that we will be together again. I just pray to God that he will be okay and put it in God’s hands because that’s all you can do. Just pray!

By: Mary Ellen

Mary Ellen — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 01:05:31 +0000

Thank you Elie for your very thoughtful and insightful comments. I am a Navy wife, and my husband is in his 10th month of a year deployment(that was supposed to be 5 months!) I am at home with our 4 month old daughter, and two teenage boys. He is my second husband, and the love of my life. In the last two years we have only been physically together for 3 and a half months. It is hard. It hurts. I do work, and stay busy, but do not live near enough to the base(2 hours away) because of my job to connect to other milspouses. Thankfully, he is retiring a few months after he returns, but this has been an extremely hard year and I have felt very isolated. The bottom line is not so much that I want him hear to do things for me, but that I miss HIM. He is my best friend and being separated so much has been hard on both of us. Thanks again for your compassion. God bless.